We were getting around to go to church. Our girls were at Nana Koontz house and sweet baby Noah was at our friend Melissa's. i told Pat i wasn't feeling very good and i was going to lay down. This isn't very normal for me...i love going to church...we had some news to share! As i laid down pain became intense. My shoulders were killing me. i had not experienced this pain!!!
i asked Pat to call our sweet friend an OB nurse and ask if something might be wrong...she told Pat we needed to call an ambulance and get me to the hospital as soon as possible...she said it sounded like internal bleeding or a possible tubal pregnancy that burst.
The ambulance and paramedics came...it was very icy outside and terrible weather. They came to my room and i could hear them saying they had no radial pulse...i was saying in my mind but never out of my lips...i can hear you...i am alive!!! Nothing. They kept trying and said they could not transport until i had a pulse. Finally something faint ...they had a hard time getting me down the stairs on the stretcher and down the icy driveway. They took me to the hospital. i sat in the ER forever. In & out of consciousness. They were waiting for a sonogram technician to get there from the ice...I lost over 2 liters of blood. i was dying. i was only 35. i had 3 kids and one on the way...
The whole church (Liberty Baptist at the time, now Abundant Life) it seemed turned out to the hospital on this very icy day. Many praying...the Silbers brought food for everyone...i laid in the ER waiting. Then everyone came in to see me and passed by me like i was in a coffin...my friend Tammy bent down and her face was drained of color and she kissed me on my face...i knew i was about to die. Our baby was no longer alive.
i remember thinking...how will Pat do THIS? His father and grandfather had already passed away, now his wife? What about my children? Would he continue to Trust God or be angry? It was all too much!!!!
What was most on my mind was that i was just starting to "get it". i want to be clear...i still don't have it all together but God has given me such a gift and my life has been changed! i was just seeing things with a more eternal prospective and i was seriously afraid, not in the sense of fear but a godly fear of meeting The God who created me, God, The creator of All! You see, He knows me. Inside and out. i had wasted so much time the years i had been privileged to live. i had so many opportunities to share Jesus with others...so many opportunities to Serve others to Love others...what had i been doing with all these 35 years? Why hadn't i used every opportunity to share what i knew? What in the world did I have to give? What crowns? What wood, hay or stubble was going to burn at His feet? Was anything good to give Him? It was more than i could fathom. i was empty...scared...nothing. Funny that is exactly where He wanted me.
i started begging Him to let me stay...to be a better mommye, wife, friend, servant. (i had no idea what i would seen Him do in the next 13 years. He totally blows my mind!). The nurse in the room heard me arguing with Him or saw the restlessness and struggle i was in the middle of. She came near to me and my first thought was...i have to tell her about Jesus! i was not going to meet Jesus and waste these last few minutes of my life. She told me to rest...she did not tell me i wasn't going to die...i continued to ask her if she knew Him...i fell out of consciousness again...later i found out she asked the group to pray for her sister who was sick...she must have seen belief...she must have seen Jesus in me...Oh Praise THE ONE!
i was out...apparently i died on the table twice...with no blood transfusion from the hospital but a true blood transfusion from God Himself. Honestly, my Doctors said that i truly was a miracle. When i went to the doctor the following week they all clapped. They couldn't believe i was alive. He let me live...He gave me a new life. i was Born again as a young girl but He was renewing my life! Wow!
My life has been different ever since! i chose to live with purpose! Even to this day...i look back and see...my kids loving Jesus...my husband and i started teaching college students Sunday School...starting a ministry beyond our dreams! Just like Him! He was equipping us for something greater! Being accountable to these students has proven to be such a joy and humbling experience while He is equipping me for whatever the future He has for me! Honestly i cannot wait to see these next chapters He has written for me! Oh yes, i am still desperate for Him...I do not live in the dessert but am living in a great promised land! i have had the privilege to disciple many. i have been able to share my story many times. I've got to watch my husband being obedient to God in his job situations...a police officer, teacher in the inner city, now a pastor! i always said after going to bible college i would NEVER be a pastors wife! i don't look at myself that way...i'm just a gal who has chosen not to waste her life! He is ever changing our lives...i am entitled to NOTHING...we now are serving the Great Senior Citizens in our church! They have so much to teach me...to mold me even more! He gets the Glory from my life...fullness and freedom come when we lay our lives down and He deserves EVERYTHING! i know He is not done working on me...and whoa!!!!! There is much work to be done but really, i just want to love people genuinely with purpose! it is never too late to quit wasting your life no matter how old we are!
So every Super Bowl i always remember that He has given me life, and i am to live it for Him! I have so many scars in my life of time wasted. Let's be done with that!
Who's with me?
Louie Giglio said this, "Heaven is going to be a great celebration because we all have scars and i will stand with THE ONE who's scars and wounds triumphed all mine!" i just want to Sing...really loud! Thank you Jesus!